Giving up Lilli

Everything is going great with Lilli. I just wanted to share with you somethings that are on my heart.
The moment I knew that we were going to be parents I started worrying about all that could go wrong, and if we would be good parents. I worried that we would mess up. My heart has not st oped worrying. Do not get me wrong we wanted a baby, we were planning for a baby we were anticipating getting pregnant, but the moment I saw that positive test my mind went to the what ifs. I loved this baby the moment we knew of her. Every little change my body had I worried that something was wrong. When she finally started moving I would stress out that I had not felt her in a while. There were times I cried about it. (poor Sam, I think he thought I was going crazy). Then I started thinking I can not handle this and it wont stop after she is here, it is just the beginning. I told Sam this was it, no more. HAHAHa.
Since getting pregnant I have also reevaluated my life. I have realized that I am no where near the person, christian that I want to be. I want the best for Lilli, and that means she needs a mother that is totally sold out to God. I have made so many mistakes in life, let my heart wander to places it had no reason to be. By the grace of God I am alive saved.
So, in my desire to draw closer to God, I started reading my bible, I mean really reading it. And such a calmness settled over me. You see Lilli is not ours, as much as we love her, we could never come anywhere close to God's love for her. It was really hard to come to this point. I wanted a family of my own, to show the world. Yet, God is teaching me other things. That giving me Lilli is a job, one that I may love and want, but one that will test every area of my life, and if I let God have control one that has beautiful rewards.
So pray for me that I can let God have Lilli, and not worry all the time, and that I can be who God wants me to be.