A year of love, loss and hope.

It will be a year on the 8th of May that Sam's dad passed away. It seems sometimes a life time ago. This time last year, Pastor was in so much pain and I think a part of him just wanted to go home to be with His Heavenly Father. I can remember the day that he died so clearly in my mind, remembering sitting in that hospice room, seeing this man who was so kind, happy and friendly to everyone he met, lay still on the bed struggling for every breath. I was there at the end. I watched him draw his last breath, but in that moment as the tears came they were not just because he was gone. They also came because he was free. No more pain, no more suffering. Yes, we miss him. But we cannot wish him back to this word. Nor would he want to come. :).

Sometimes I think of him, and wonder why. As Sam and I think about starting a family, I wish he could be here. He would of been a great grandpa. There came a time this year when I stopped being so sad over his death. I could go to his grave and not feel a heavy weight of loss. I felt instead a clear feeling of happiness that we would met again, somehow I thing that he will see us from heaven and that he will get to see his grandchildren.

I still see him and hear him sometimes. If you come to our church, and when the choir sings, if you close your eyes I can hear him in Sam's voice. Most people say Sam takes after his mom. But Sam has his Dad's smile and like his dad it is there no matter what is going on. This next year as I watch my family move forward. And as I grow closer to Sam and to God, I pray that we can remember this man, who touched so many lives. Remember his life and how he Loved God with all his heart.