When daddy's stay

Since having Lilli mine and Sam's life has changed. It has been a roller coaster of emotions, struggles and times of absolute beauty. While I struggled to gain my footing of being a mother, Sam sailed smoothly into his roll as a dad. I could not understand how It was so hard for me, I had been around kids all my life, worked with them, took care of infants in a daycare setting, been told I had a knack for caring for babies, but this baby for lack of a better word was kicking my butt. I was emotionally a wreak, worrying about everything and stressing myself to pieces. Then there was Sam, who had NEVER really been around a baby, and he seemed to have the ''knack for caring for her.'' There were moments like this, that proved she would someday soon be a daddy's girl

I am so glad that Lilli has a great father, and it reminds me of what God has given me.

I know that some dads do not stay. Mine didn't. He missed birthdays, holidays, graduations, and my wedding, and now he has missed the birth of my baby. God gave me Jeff, and I have loved him as my dad, but my heart has always wondered how he could just leave me and never try to contact me. Now that I am a parent I really do not understand how a person can do that.

Sam is an amazing man, he loves me and I know that he would never leave me, or Lilli. How I got such a man is amazing and such a gift from the Lord. I watch him and my heart swells with love and joy. Sam lost his dad 2 years ago to cancer, we went to the grave and Sam said I sure miss him. We talked about all the memories he has with his dad. I know that Lilli will have great memories of her daddy too, while my memories are blurred and scattered. Do not get me wrong I do not hate my father... I forgave him, but I do not have a desire to meet him for I feel complete with the family I may have, mixed up, thrown together wonderful family that I have.

Here is the letter that I wrote Sam for fathers day..shhh do not tell him yet....

Dear Sam

Happy Father's day to the man of my dreams. I do not think you know what father's day means to me now that we have sweet Lilli. My memories of father's mean that they do not stay. they leave when things get tough, they must forget their sweet children, who cry out for them at night. Who whisper why did he leave, was it because of me, was I not good enough, pretty enough, what did I do. A father is someone that gives you life, but does not love you enough to be involved in your life, never reads you stories, sing to you or just hold you.

I did have a dad, and he loved me, but my heart yearned for the one one who was suppose to stay. I was loved fully by Jeff, but how could my little heart understand the reasons that he left and never came back. I know that I never have to feel that way about you and Lilli.

I love it when you sing to her, when you talk to her and she gets that big smile on her face. I love that she looks so much like you, because I love everything about you, even when you snore, because its just a reminder that I have you.

I just want to tell you how great you are. You endured 8 emotional moths of pregnancy, how you made it is such a wonder to me. I cannot recall how many hours you tried to hold me and tell me God was in control as tears fell from my eyes.. I thought I would be less emotional after Lilli came, but no, I am such a worry wart, but you where my constant and I thank you for that.

I love you honey, through whatever may come, through every trial hardship and new babies. Till death do we part.

I know you will never leave, what a gift Lilli has, in a world where more marriages break up then stay together, its a true gift to find a daddy who will stay, who follows after God, and is so patient and kind. I wish every little girl had a daddy like you. I hope we never take you for granted. I praise God every day for our happy home that He has given us.

I love you,

Kristina and Lilli