I just love to blog. Sam says I am addicted, but it feels good to be able to write down stuff about my day, and things that I am thinking about, wven if no one reads it. But people read this right?? We went to the fair and had a blast, although it was hot and we spent a small fortune. We watched the tractor race, Sam and Landon enjoyed, Rheagan ate. She ate fries and cotton candy. Good luck mom and Dad.(see thats whats nice about having Nephews and nieces, feel um up on sugar send them home, they love you, but there not with you all the time) We rode rides. Landon almost fainted I think!!!! HAHA. But we did not lose them so I say the night was a success. Tommorrow is 2 months since Sam's dad died. I try to get out their every month. Sam says he dosent need to go, but for some reason I have too. I miss him, we got a long well, he liked to read, and loved history, these are things I relly enjoyed too. So when I was with him, I always flt comfortable. Sometimes I wonder why, I know that God has his purpose and plan, but my nature is to want to Know now. I have never liked suprises. I am saddened that my children will never meet him on earth. I want my children to have a godly heritage. My parents are around, and I know they'll love them, but I just had one set of granparents, I am sure two would be better. Sam's sister madeSam a scrapbook of Him and his dad. I saw it first, and new that I needed to be there when sam saw it.
It breaks my heart to see Sam hurt, I want to say its okay, it will be alright, but you cannot because you don't understand. So this time I did'nt talk I just held his hand. Why is it so much sadder when men cry. Maybe because women(or at least this one, cry more easily.) He said that was alot of memories. And then it hit me. Memories. Sam has none or little bad family memories, and that is what I want for my family. God has given me peace, and a great role model to follow.
Now do not get me wrong. My ''family ''is great. But for those of you who know about our situation may understand. Its a long story. I use ti find myself wishing for the perfect family. there is not one to be found. But I believe God has blessed me with the knowledge of how to have one through my experiances. I have been blessed with a women who, not my mother has taught me many things, that I would need for the position I have today. I struggled with these areas, and things teachings, but its easier now. And I see the benefit now, although I am still working on these areas. I see where I could of been, if it wasent for my ''parents''.
So as I think about my family to be. I see that I want a combination of my family, and Sam's. I want the laughter, teaching, and love.
Now that I am married, and realize its not so easy, there are days I long to go back to the card table days..... Family joke. Back to them fixing dinner, playing games, and when my best friend was Ryan. Such simple days. But then I could never imagine life with out Sam. : can I have both Lord" Love ya. Sorry so long
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2 comments:
Hey my beautiful friend! I just want to come give you a hug :-) Not right now thouh..it is 12:30 am and you are probably sleeping...one of the things you do best ;-)
God has totally given you the life He wanted Kristina to have and what you have to do is learn from it and change what you feel needs to change for your family.
You mentioned "I want my children to have a godly heritage" and you and Sam (with the help of the Lord) are the only ones that can make that happen. I think kids will be great for your marriage. I don't think you'll ever even want to think of the past and how much you miss it. I wish you had more time with Sam now because I don't think you would want both now either...he just works too much :-)
I never ever think of the past anymore. I just love Drew so much and the kids keep me so busy and love me soo much...I just couldn't think of it any other way!
I sure do miss Bro. Reagan a lot too. He was such a nice man...and full of wisdom! I know Drew misses him terribly too. I didn't really have many personal conversations with him, but Drew did on a daily basis and I know he would to have more of those with him and can't.
I saw how he acted with our children and there was such a sweetness there...they miss him too.
I love ya and it is such a good thing you didn't lose any cutie pie kids tonight!!
Also, if you'll send me a new email (I need yours...mine is lulary@comcast.net) I will change your page up some :-) I did Tammie's.
Love ya!
Lula
I am such a dork..I mean if you will send me your username and password for how you get into your blog...I will help you. Send it by email or phone...my email is again lularay@comcast.net
And Tammie...if your reading this..I had a typo too in my first post! I have seen you tease Kris about it :-) I think I have been hanging around her too long! But...maybe it has something to do with the time??? I sure hope so :-)
Love ya Kris!
Lula
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