Blogging

I just love to blog. Sam says I am addicted, but it feels good to be able to write down stuff about my day, and things that I am thinking about, wven if no one reads it. But people read this right?? We went to the fair and had a blast, although it was hot and we spent a small fortune. We watched the tractor race, Sam and Landon enjoyed, Rheagan ate. She ate fries and cotton candy. Good luck mom and Dad.(see thats whats nice about having Nephews and nieces, feel um up on sugar send them home, they love you, but there not with you all the time) We rode rides. Landon almost fainted I think!!!! HAHA. But we did not lose them so I say the night was a success. Tommorrow is 2 months since Sam's dad died. I try to get out their every month. Sam says he dosent need to go, but for some reason I have too. I miss him, we got a long well, he liked to read, and loved history, these are things I relly enjoyed too. So when I was with him, I always flt comfortable. Sometimes I wonder why, I know that God has his purpose and plan, but my nature is to want to Know now. I have never liked suprises. I am saddened that my children will never meet him on earth. I want my children to have a godly heritage. My parents are around, and I know they'll love them, but I just had one set of granparents, I am sure two would be better. Sam's sister madeSam a scrapbook of Him and his dad. I saw it first, and new that I needed to be there when sam saw it.
It breaks my heart to see Sam hurt, I want to say its okay, it will be alright, but you cannot because you don't understand. So this time I did'nt talk I just held his hand. Why is it so much sadder when men cry. Maybe because women(or at least this one, cry more easily.) He said that was alot of memories. And then it hit me. Memories. Sam has none or little bad family memories, and that is what I want for my family. God has given me peace, and a great role model to follow.
Now do not get me wrong. My ''family ''is great. But for those of you who know about our situation may understand. Its a long story. I use ti find myself wishing for the perfect family. there is not one to be found. But I believe God has blessed me with the knowledge of how to have one through my experiances. I have been blessed with a women who, not my mother has taught me many things, that I would need for the position I have today. I struggled with these areas, and things teachings, but its easier now. And I see the benefit now, although I am still working on these areas. I see where I could of been, if it wasent for my ''parents''.
So as I think about my family to be. I see that I want a combination of my family, and Sam's. I want the laughter, teaching, and love.
Now that I am married, and realize its not so easy, there are days I long to go back to the card table days..... Family joke. Back to them fixing dinner, playing games, and when my best friend was Ryan. Such simple days. But then I could never imagine life with out Sam. : can I have both Lord" Love ya. Sorry so long