Giving up Lilli

Everything is going great with Lilli. I just wanted to share with you somethings that are on my heart.
The moment I knew that we were going to be parents I started worrying about all that could go wrong, and if we would be good parents. I worried that we would mess up. My heart has not st oped worrying. Do not get me wrong we wanted a baby, we were planning for a baby we were anticipating getting pregnant, but the moment I saw that positive test my mind went to the what ifs. I loved this baby the moment we knew of her. Every little change my body had I worried that something was wrong. When she finally started moving I would stress out that I had not felt her in a while. There were times I cried about it. (poor Sam, I think he thought I was going crazy). Then I started thinking I can not handle this and it wont stop after she is here, it is just the beginning. I told Sam this was it, no more. HAHAHa.
Since getting pregnant I have also reevaluated my life. I have realized that I am no where near the person, christian that I want to be. I want the best for Lilli, and that means she needs a mother that is totally sold out to God. I have made so many mistakes in life, let my heart wander to places it had no reason to be. By the grace of God I am alive saved.
So, in my desire to draw closer to God, I started reading my bible, I mean really reading it. And such a calmness settled over me. You see Lilli is not ours, as much as we love her, we could never come anywhere close to God's love for her. It was really hard to come to this point. I wanted a family of my own, to show the world. Yet, God is teaching me other things. That giving me Lilli is a job, one that I may love and want, but one that will test every area of my life, and if I let God have control one that has beautiful rewards.
So pray for me that I can let God have Lilli, and not worry all the time, and that I can be who God wants me to be.

Lilli's daddy

HIS LITTLE GIRL



I have been thinking a lot lately about dads and their daughters. I think of how are baby girl will have such a great daddy, and while I am so excited for that, it also brings back the loss that I use to feel.
My Real Father, I never really new, I cannot remember what he looked like of the sound of his voice or what his hugs felt like. And while God did give me a a wonderful dad named Jeff It just was not what others seemed to have.
I watched Sam put his head on my belly and call out Lilli’s name and I thought did my dad ever do that? We talk about the dreams we have for her, what she will be like who she will look like. I know that the moment we hold her it will be the most beautiful thing.
I know that my baby will never wonder if her daddy loves her, she will never wonder why he did not call on her birthday, or wonder what he is doing on her birthday.
My mom was a great mother, but every little girl needs a daddy all through life. The difference. I am so glad I will never have to worry about weather sam will ever leave me, we have a commitment that goes beyond the vows, we have Christ. I have realized the importance of true family.
So Having a girl is a little bitter sweet for me. Because until I was five I did not know what it was like to have a daddy. So now I get to watch a little girl snuggled in the arms of her daddy. And I know that he will always love her, never leave her and forget her. Over the years I have thoiught about this man who did not want me, and I remember that God has always wanted me.
SO when our baby is born I will close my eyes and thank God for who he is, and what he has done, and that one little girl was bleessed again with a daddy



God knows us better thatn we know ourselves, he gave me the father I needed to lead me to him, and what a love athis man must haveto love other men's children like they were his children. I love you Jeff

Liilian June Reagan

Sam and I found out yesterday that we are going to have a beautiful baby girl. It was so awesome to see her on the ultrasound. I think it was especialy neat for Sam. He is really excited and that really feels great to me. Stay tuned for some updated pics.

The great northwest....well maybe

I was so excited this summer to go on vacation to visit Spokane Washington and my family. Sam had hardly met any of my family. We spent several days in Spokane with my Best Friend Mary - Catherine It was great. But I missed my home soooooo much. Maybe I was a southern girl in another life. HAHA. We also traveled to see family in Montana. At the bottom is a picture of my adorable nephew Bryce he is soooo cute.


Mary on the goat, you would have to be from Spokane to understand this pic.
Bryce, saying how big he is....

News, news, news

Well, I guess I will start off with the biggest news, We are going to have a baby!!!!! We are very excited, and a little nervous. I took 3 tests just to make sure and they all came back positive. We went to the doctor Monday and they said I was 4 weeks and 2 days. I am due March 22ND. I thought Sam was gonna pass out at the doctors office when they did the blood work. The drew 6 tubes of blood and he was starting to look a little queasy. I on the other hand did wonderful, so it is a good thing that I am having the baby and not Sam. I guess he'll need to sit down during the delivery, hahaha. I am feeling pretty good, except for the cramping and being tired, Sam says that I am just using this baby to get more sleep. I think he thinks he is funny. Well just for fun here is a cute picture to enjoy

My house and things

This is the new bathroom color, I know It is hard to see, But it is Chocolate brown. When I told my niece Rheagan the color she said mmmmmmmm, chocolate is good. Sam said its my favorite. Those two must be related. Landon wants to know what it tastes like.


. I have to confess, that Sam did some of the work too. He ended up doing all the sanding and helping me with the painting. What a good guy.
This is my Rheago. We are the best of friends, although lately she hasn't wanted to play wit me as she has in the past. This happened with Landon too, when he was like three, I never thought it would happen to my princess . Yet, she is growing up and Nina is not as cool as she use to be. I love her and she will always be extra special to me. It makes me sad, but now I have gotten a new bond with Addi.
Addi, loves her Nina and follows me around everywhere, even when I want a moment alone, there she is. Now you make ask why she is naked, well we are trying to potty train, and this is the only way she will do it.
Watching the rain. I love these kids and will miss them when they go back to Ms. B

''Kristina The tool women Reagan''

Kristina the tool women Reagan

Those that know me, know that I am not a manul labor kind of a gal. If its broken, it either stays broken, or someone else needs to fixes it. Well, since we have moved, I have arrived in the world of if I do not do it, it may NEVER get done. While my Husband is so talented in almost everything he does, he is busy, and somehow has the belief that I am useless when it comes to remodling anything"). I don't know why he thinks that. :)

Well, I am here to prove him wrong>( I Love doing that .) Not only did I use his drill to hang a couple shelves, I also used a level, and a screw driver and a wrench. But my greatest accomplishment would have to be today. Today, are you ready for this!!!!!! I took off all the wallpaper in my bathroom, and I put that mud stuff on it, and tomorrow I am sanding it. YEA me... So if anyone needs anything done call me NOT Sam. HAHAHA


This is a picture of our bathroom before the mudd


Hazzard. "Woman at work"